Destiny

Do you ever feel like you are destine for certain things in this world? I am not talking about the romantic version of destiny like you are destine for one person or that you hold the key to saving the human race. There are certain things in my life that I feel the universe has decided are going to be my personal responsibility/life challenge. For instance I have the unbelievable luck of always, and I am talking about a very high percentage of the time, having to change the toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. There is rarely a day that goes by where I don't have to change the toilet paper. Let me reassure you that a majority of this takes place at my place of employment where I share the restroom with several people, yet I feel that I share the brunt of the changing of the toilet paper. Well I've come to accept this destiny, even though at times, mostly at my house, I will out right refuse to change it leaving the roll to balance sideways in limbo on the holder while I tempt fate. What I have not come to accept is the destiny that I will forever be cursed when it comes to mowing the lawn.

There has been a struggle ensuing between myself and the care of my lawn ever since I was charged with the responsibility of maintaining the height of my grass. Let me enlighten you with a few of the details. It started when I was renting a house in which I was responsible for the lawn, of course I didn't have a lawnmower, and my jackass landlord did not provide me with one, so what was I to do. Well I didn't want to buy one, so I found a place where you could rent one by the hour. If you have never rented a lawnmower, and don't have a truck, it basically involves putting and gas smelling, filthy, heavy piece of machinery in your trunk and driving cautiously home every time you have to mow the lawn. As you can imagine this is not easy, so my diligence in lawn mowing did not live up to the expectations of my landlord or the city ordinace. Then the pressure was on so I decided that I would buy an old fashion push lawn mower for two reasons. 1)I would be doing my part not to pollute the air anymore than I had to. 2) I was unwilling to accept the idea that there was a possibility that I could own a lawn mower and the damn thing might not start. Now I will not trash the push mower because it is a beautiful thing for those two reasons, however the one thing is does not accommodate is someone who procrastinates until it is absolutely necessary, in which case it just rolls over the grass and forces it lay flat for a short period of time. I so wanted a good relationship with my push mower that I tried for a very long time to make it work. I even went so far as borrowing a weed whacker from a friend and weed whacked my entire yard, on more than one occasion, so that I could start fresh with the push mower. BUT destiny, which is probably more like my unwillingness to be diligent when it comes to lawn care, must be fulfilled.

Eventually I decided to let my brother buy me a traditional gas sputtering, polluting lawn mower. Of course it was used and the damn thing didn't start when I got it home sooo... I was back to alternating between weed whacking my entire yard and using the not so precise push mower. Then my mom had an extra lawn mower and she ask me if I wanted to use it and I tempted fate again and said ok. That work for a handful of times but after the winter season it wouldn't start. Now this whole endeavor has lasted 6 years and I am very testy when it comes to mowing the lawn and everytime I have to do it I am just waiting for something to go wrong. So when my wonderful mother made the offer to buy me a brand new lawn mower this year, with hesitation I accepted. I used it once and it worked beautifully, with the exception that I experience a lot of guilt for using a gas mower. So now what do I have to complain about. Ah tonight I struggled with myself "should I mow the lawn or take it easy--well it is getting long and the neighbor just cut his-- screw it just go do it." The mower starts great, I'm going a long and bang there is this horrific noise and it stops, I move it aside and see the small (like the size of and orange) rock. I think well it just stopped the mower so I try to start it and I discover that the rock has completely destroyed the blade on my new, supposed to work for the rest of my life, lawn mower. But I refuse to accept this as my destiny I will over come, I marched out to my mower tool box in hand and I removed that mangled blade. I will take fate into my own hands, I will fix my lawn mower, I will not let this defeat me.

Yet somehow I can't help but believe that I am still going to mow the lawn with a constant cloud of dread that something is going to go wrong, that it is somehow my destiny. Or maybe some how I am creating my own destiny through my continuous belief that things won't work out.