Performance Anxiety

So somehow I have managed to get stuck when it comes to blogging. I have been thinking about what to write about for many days now and nothings seem to be good enough for me. This somehow betrays the very reason I decided to write in the first place. This was going to be a space to reflect on my day, so how did I get to a place where I had nothing to say. I guess that when I have a story to tell I can write for hours but when it comes to writing about a day that was just normal I get lost.

This seems to be a theme in my life so far, at times when I am confronted with what's new in my life I freeze and have nothing to say "nothing new with me". Then I experience all this anxiety because I have to come up with something and of course I am stuck in some place void of any thing interesting, and then all of a sudden my life gets pasted by. Mostly this happens with people that I would like to be able to share more with, but somehow I end up getting scared and fall back on "nothing new". So somehow this space has become that person that I want to share with but can't. What if my life isn't interesting enough, what if I don't have anything to say, what if you think I am boring. So the fear bubbles up to the surface and hands over my two options 1) Stick to what you are good at, tell a story, people like your stories. 2) Go with the "nothing new here" that usually takes the attention off of you and you can move on. Well I would like a new option so here it is I am going to be present in the moment and say that I am scared and I have anxiety about what to write about. Sometimes it might not feel like it was good enough, it might not feel like I did my best, it might be scary to say somethings, but I am going to say them anyways. This is about me and sometimes all those things apply to who I am and all that I can do in this life is be honest with myself, so that is what I am going to do. I am going to accept my life for what it is and use this space to honor it.